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Trump Was Right About That Baby

August 3, 2016

Yesterday Donald Trump asked to have a crying baby removed from one of his rallies. Let me preface what I’m about to say: I do not support Donald Trump and I will not vote for him. If elected I think he would be a bad president.

Having said that: Trump was right about that baby.

We as a society need to become more aggressive in telling people to remove babies from situations where babies shouldn’t be. A political rally? Hardly a place for a baby. A TRUMP rally? That should be like renting a car. 25 and up. 

More than likely, you shook your head disapprovingly when you heard what Trump said. But if you’re being honest, admit it was probably the same reaction you had last time you were in a restaurant with a screaming infant. 

The root of my issue with babies in public comes from how many people bring babies to late movies intended for grown ups. Look, if you bring your baby to a 10am early bird showing of Finding Dory, whatever. That’s an appropriate time and movie for kids to watch. But a 10pm show of Jason Bourne on a Saturday night? Now you’re making a conscious effort to destroy everyone else’s date. It’s like you said to your significant other: “Hey Hun, you know what would be a hoot? Making sure peopl essentially wasted money on a sitter. In fact, let’s not feed her before we go, then dangle a bottle in front of her face during the movie so she wails extra loud.”

A couple years ago we go to see Run All Night with Liam Neeson. It’s an R-rated crime thriller with tons of grisly violence. We went to at 9pm show on a Sunday night. A couple shows up after us with a baby who immediately starts crying. Which while annoying, is absolutely the correct reaction. The sound of constant gunshots and people dying is hardly soothing to a one year old. Pretty sure no lullabies incorporate the sound of the guy from Taken blowing a guy’s head off with a sawed-off shotgun as background noise.

Plus, should we really WANT a baby there to hear all that garbage? Trump kicks a baby out of his rally: everyone explodes. Shouldn’t we be saying, “Yeah. Good. One less young mind molded by Donald Trump.” I know it’s just a stupid baby, but you have no idea what’s being filtered into his subconscious. Before you know it he’ll be talking, telling his Mom “I’ve got a YUGE load in my diaper Mommy, it’s just the greatest, classiest dump.” He’ll even do the weird finger point that Trump does. She’ll look at him in horror like Damian’s mom from The Omen.

Believe me, it gives me no great pleasure to say any of this. I can’t overstate enough how much I don’t support Donald Trump. But on this issue I must give the Devil his due. Let’s keep babies out of places they don’t belong: especially Trump rallies. Or movies. This really boils down to me hating people who bring their babies to the movies. Basically, the candidate who adopts a “no babies at the movies” policy is getting my vote.

Speaking of places where I barely ever mention Donald Trump: sign up for my monthly newsletter already. It’s the greatest newsletter, you’re going to win so much from reading it, it’s going to be YUGE.

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