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Best of Status Update Hypothetical

April 26, 2009

Every day I post a hypothetical question as a status update on Facebook and Twitter. Here are some of the best responses I’ve received from this past week:

You and Obama are at the movies. He buys tix, so you get snacks. You ask what he wants, he says, “Surprise me.” Your move?

A large soda cup filled with “butter” topping. I make a big, douchey show of asking him if he’s surprised. Then I walk out, because there’s no way I’m sitting through Knowing. — Eric, via Facebook

Large Popcorn, box of Buncha Crunch, mixed together. The time has come to set aside snacking as usual and come together, both sweet and savory, white and brown, to tackle the challenges of the 21st century. — Jake, via Facebook

popcorn with a hole cut in the bottom and two large fruit punch’s — Sean, via Facebook. Still trying to figure out if he meant for this to be racist or if it was just racist by accident

You’re on a date. Your date orders gin and says, “Thats all I drank when I was on that Somali pirate ship.” Your reaction?

You’re an awesome badass. Let’s take our clothes off and get freaky. — Laken, via Facebook, clearly projecting her desire to jump my bones onto her answer to this question

Your grammatical errors are atrocious…. — Christine, via Facebook, clearly projecting her desire to jump my bones onto her answer to this question

Would you rather date Oprah or Meryl Streep?

Meryl Steep now or 1974? — Marques, via Facebook

Stedman — Daniel, via Facebook. I’ll second that. He’s a good looking man.

gordon ramsay — Al, via Facebook, earning herself a one month suspension for installing an Option C.

can there be a female-friendly version of the wednesday hypothetical? — Danielle, via Twitter. Apparently, the ladies were a little slow on the uptake with this one.

Youre locked in a room with all the Muppets, except they’re all evil and coked up. Which one do you take out first?

Gonzo. He’s like the Joker, too unpredictable to want to deal with in a fight. — Jimmy, via Facebook.

Animal, obviously, he already acts like he’s coked up. next question – who do you bang first? — Kathleen, via Facebook. What about me brings this out in all these women? Didn’t realize my status updates were so sexually loaded.

Baby skeeter and I’m not even sure which muppet that is but I wouldn’t want to be in close proximity to something named skeeter — Lafayette, via Facebook

Kermit; when you cut off the head, the snake dies. But aren’t the Muppets already evil/coked up? Isn’t that their schtick? — Jim, via Twitter

Who would you rather be, Jesus or Superman?

Superman’s weakness: stones from his home planet that blew up. Jesus’ weakness: stuff you can get at a Home Depot. Advantage: Superman — Ross, via Facebook, winning this week’s “Too Soon” Award.

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