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Wolverine Leaked Online

April 4, 2009

Someone has leaked an unfinished print of Wolverine online so fans can view it over a month before its release in theaters. Fox is outraged and has said they will prosecute the offenders to the fullest extent of the law. Here are some highlights from the film (beware, MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD):

* First twenty minutes of Wolverine’s origin story is just a clip of a wolf and a dude doing it

* Although Hugh Jackman appears in most of the promotional material, as a cost-cutting measure Wolverine is actually played by Nathan Lane with mutton chops

* The film introduces a new set of exciting mutants never before seen in an X-Men film, including Gambit, Deadpool, and Benjamin Button

* Wolverine’s Dad played by Alan Arkin, wearing the same hairstyle with giant claws

* Introduces one of the least popular X-Men characters, the Tapir. Played by John Stamos, his mutant power is that he gets nauseous whenever the cops are around

* Plot is identical to the plot of The Dark Knight, with Wolverine in the role of Batman, Sabretooth as the Joker, and Patrick Stewart wearing Groucho glasses as Commissioner Gordon

* Not so subtle product placement – Sabretooth and Wolverine have a twenty minute Tarantino-like discussion about Tide

* Entire score composed by Meatloaf

* An hour of the film is actually just a camcorder video of Ryan Reynolds and Hugh Jackman watching The Da Vinci Code at home

* The filmmakers lack of respect for the source material shows when Ian McKellen makes a cameo under the name “The Gandalf Metal-Moving Guy.”

* The ending is somewhat confusing, as it’s a paparazzi quality video of Hugh Jackman going up to Tobey McGuire at an LA nightclub and saying, “Fight me Spiderman!” and attempting to fight him. When McGuire walks away, Jackman yells out, “Yes! I beat Spiderman! Spiderman’s a bitch!”

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