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What If They LIKE Jelly?

February 19, 2009

Everyone (including people who fill them out) can agree that MySpace surveys suck. My sister Amy occasionally does them. She is funny. Here is one she filled out yesterday:

What would you do with a 3rd hand?
what a pain that would be. anytime i’d have to wear gloves i’d have one that wouldn’t match. and i bet everyone would point it out too. it’s not bad enough that i have an unmatching glove, but than some dick cheeseburger has to come along and remind me about it.

If you had a monkey’s tail, would you be more likely to hang from trees with it or use it to reach the remote control?
i think that if you had a monkey’s tail you’d have more options to choose from than just those two. just saying. you can do a lot more with a monkey’s tail.

If you could speak to animals, which animal would you speak to first?
the really angry ones like lions or bears. hey, can’t we talk this over or something? put those teeth away.

Would you love having the ability to read minds or would you curse having the ability?
i used to think i was psychic. and then whenever i was with certain people i’d play that game where you count to three and then you both say what you’re thinking and see if you’re thinking the same thing. except when i played that game with my shrink he just told me i had schizophrenia. i think that’s just the medical term for being psychic.

If you had the ability to magically poof into any room, would you bother walking through doors anymore?
i’d only use it if it was totally necessary. like if i was robbing a bank or something.

If you could create a delicious feast by clapping your hands, would you solve world hunger, or would you just keep the ability secret and make food only for your family?
if you could solve world hunger, that means that your family would never go hungry. so unless you want to go out of your way to be a jerk, than why would you pick the second one? someone’s selfish.

Would you rather have rockets for legs, or wish-granting toilet plungers for arms?
i lost interest at the word rockets BORING

If a wizard offered you the ability to make anyone attracted to you by winking at them, would you keep the ability if you developed a nervous twitch that made you wink randomly?
actually, i would probably go public and tell the whole world that wizards really do exist.
that will teach him

If you had the ability to fill the mouths of all annoying people with jelly, would you use it once or every time they spoke?
what if they LIKE jelly?

If every time you sang, everyone around you broke into song and dance, would you sing anymore?
no, i don’t want anyone stealing my thunder.

Would you want amazing speed, if it meant your feet had to be constantly engulfed in painless fire?
anytime i hear the words engulfed, fire, and feet, i automatically assume it’s something bad. and i’m usually right.

If every time you yawned, flip flops rained from the sky, would you try to yawn as much as possible?
anyone who knows me knows that i love flip flops. but i don’t want them raining on me. what if i could make a deal where i could just get all flips flops for half price? now that’s something that benefits a lot of people. you think about it, get back to me.

If you could make someone fall in love with you just by telling them, “Before I go anywhere I fill my shoes with Jello”…would you say it?
so our relationship would be based on a lie, great idea.

If you woke up to realize that all of the dreams/nightmares you had while sleeping, had come true…would you be afraid to go to sleep after that?
as long as i don’t dream about spiders, death, or dawson’s creek (specifically dawson’s hair in season 4-get a haircut you hippie) i’d be okay.

If you had three wishes, what would you wish for?
a puppy, another puppy, and okay, a way to solve world hunger

Would you rather look like you were 19 until you were 45, then suddenly look 60…or look as old as you are throughout your life?
what if i looked like i was 45 until i was 60 and then i suddenly looked 19. i am so much better at thinking up scenarios than whoever wrote this survey.

Would you rather have a car that could speak to you, or a car that could drive 150 mph and only use a drop of gas?
i think the second option would be so much better for the environment but how cool would it be to have a car who sings uptown girl with you while you’re driving?!

Would you rather be able to never forget, or only remember a little bit of everything and always find 50 dollars when you do?
never forget a little bit of everything and get 50 dollars for never forgetting anything ever.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. Julie permalink
    February 20, 2009 2:05 am

    WOW! She is funny–maybe if you are really nice to her she’ll let you open for her at her next SRO gig!!!!!!!

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