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Happy Holidays. I’m Not Getting You Anything.

December 23, 2008

Just wanted to send a quick post your way to say thanks for reading. I really appreciate your support, and I hope you enjoy the blog.

And I hope you enjoy this little note of thanks, because it’s about all you’ll be getting from me for Christmas.

Yep. Unless you’re related to me, or a close friend, I’m not getting you a damn thing. Let’s be honest; I wouldn’t know what to get you. I usually just project my own wants and needs onto other people, and buy gifts for them accordingly. I’d probably end up getting you a gift certificate to the movies. But what good is that going to do you? By the time you get around to using them, it will be mid-January, and all the movies out will suck. I wouldn’t want my present to you to be a showing of Paul Blart: Mall Cop.

It was written by Nick Bakay, for Christ’s sake.

Here’s the other thing: if you read this blog, and we’re not friends, it’s probably not even a good idea to email me and introduce yourself. I’m not trying to sound like a dick, but I’m good on friends. Plus, I’ve never met someone through the Internet, and I’m not about to start. I realize that people do it all the time, but it still has a stigma to me. I automatically assume anyone I don’t know who emails me has 100 dead bodies in his basement. That’s just me. Look on the bright side: if we did meet and become friends, the odds are good I would write an incredibly gay series of posts in your name, causing legions of my readers to think that you are homosexual.

Merry Christmas!

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