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Don’t Miss a Night of Zany Comedy Goodness!

August 21, 2008

Tonight at 8PM at Wiseacres Comedy Club in McLean, Virginia, don’t miss the Round One Comedy Showcase!! It features some of the area’s best young comics, and it’s only $10 at the door!!! This is a can’t miss opportunity to see some local talent before they hit it big!!!!

After the show, stick around, as local comic Keith Irvin and I will engage in a bare knuckle street fight.
The winner is the last man who doesn’t bleed out like a punk bitch – absolutely anything goes. Both of us are well versed in mixed martial arts, so it should get ugly very quick.

Come for the laughs, stay for the inevitable hospitalization.

It all started about a month back, when I noticed Keith doing a five minute chunk about Mexican people at the Leesburg Chuckle Hut. The punchline, which I recall because I wrote it, is “Whoa, whoa, Javier…how many people do you think you can fit in that Volkswagon?!” Well, once I heard that he had stolen my bit, I retaliated by stealing his bit about what would happen if Michael Jackson were an air traffic controller. The war was on.

After a few weeks of passive-aggressively sniping back and forth, we decided to just get it out in the open. The only solution to a blood feud? A brutal war of attrition. So here’s how this is going to work: we’re going to throw all the tables, chairs, glasses, and plates up against the wall. Then we’ll pour gasoline around the room to create a ring of fire in which we will fight. Then I’m going to pound away on his mug like the Holocaust was his idea. Any questions?

Here’s what Keith had to say about tonight’s fight:

I promise you that for your ten dollars, you will see two things: lots of great comedy, and Mike Eltringham’s brains. In fact, I recommend everyone bring transparent ponchos. It’s going to be just like a Gallagher show, if at the end of every set Gallagher got viciously beaten with a kendo stick. And I can assure you that beating Mike to a bloody pulp will not satiate my thirst for vengeance. For only an extra $20, after I finish him off you can follow me to Fredericksburg, where I will beat the piss out of his family.

He sure does a lot of talking. Let’s see how well he talks after I give him the beating of a lifetime. There are a few rules for tonight’s show:

1) Once you enter the showroom, do not discuss the fight. At all. No one who works at Wiseacres knows about this. Neither do any of the other comedians featured on the show. The first rule of the Round One Comedy Showcase? Don’t talk about Round One Comedy Showcase.

2) If you would like to bring weapons for us to use, please do. The more the merrier. I like brass knucks and Keith prefers a billy club.

3) After the fight you can bring the kids by the pool table in the back for autographs and pictures. Also I think we got one of those cotton candy machines from the carnival. We were supposed to get a moon bounce too, but Keith and I fucked that up when we double-teamed the Moon Bounce distributor’s daughter, and he walked in on us.

Show starts at 8PM sharp. Hope you’re ready to laugh!
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