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McCain’s Foreign Policy

June 18, 2008


In the interest of equal time, I thought I would analyze a John McCain speech on foreign policy. Barack Obama and other critics have said McCain’s stance will be a mirror image of the Bush administration. McCain recently spoke to a group of voters on the issue, as well as making a multimedia presentation to go along with his speech:

Good evening, my fellow Americans. It is my belief, and always has been my belief, that the United States must serve as an example to the rest of the free world. If elected, I’m prepared to fulfill those duties. I’ve prepared a Powerpoint presentation that will outline my foreign policy plans. All I have to do is click this little button on this computer…hold on a second…why can’t I click on that? Why won’t the little arrow move?

What do you mean, program is not responding? Why not? HELLO? If I talk into the power button, will it respond to that? HELLO? Is there a robot operator? HELLO!?!?

You (points at an aide) Get me my glasses. I can’t see shit…now it says it’s ending. I didn’t tell you to do that, though. Hold on…folks, if you’ll give me a second we’ll get this up and running…okay, cut my mic.

Fuck this, I’m hungry. Ed? Ed? Help me with this fuckin’ thing. What? What the fuck is control-alt-delete? What the fuck does that even mean, Ed? Huh? WELL THEN DON’T EXPLAIN IT, GET UP HERE AND FUCKIN’ DO IT.

I was reading USA Today this morning. Christ I look like shit. You don’t think so? I’m 34, Ed. Yes I am. Check my birth certificate. I age like Robin Williams did in that fuckin’ movie Jack. That’s why now I look like Palpatine.

Wish I was back at my hotel room right now. Caught The Mexican on TBS last night. God, I tell you what, Julia Roberts…that broad has a pair of gams on her. I’m a gam man, myself. I will readily admit to that. I tell you what, Julia Roberts…boy, if I’m elected, Julia Roberts will be the Secretary of Twerking.

Okay, hit my mic. What do you mean it’s still on?

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