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2 Hours Til I Can Leave Work, How ‘Bout I Shit Out a Blog

April 25, 2008

“FAVORITES” SURVEY

1) Favorite dinosaur?
Def. Triceratops!

2) Favorite color?
Green

3) Favorite food?
Mmm…pasta primavera….

4) How do you feel about where your Uncle Bert touched you?
Wait…what?

5) Favorite song?
Uh….Layla by Derek and the Dominoes

6) Favorite season?
Spring.

7) Ya know Gandhi was really into kids? I mean, really into them.
What? What kind of question is that? That’s not even true.

8) Favorite sports team?
Yankees….

9) Favorite Muppet?
Umm…Fozzie was funny….what were you saying about Gand-

10) Favorite movie?
That’s a tough one…probably the Godfather.

11) I know it’s tough because you never told anyone about what Bert did. But don’t worry, kid. Bert’s dead. He’s burning in hell and he can’t hurt you anymore.
Who is Bert?!?!

12) Favorite tree?
This one is stupid. Who has a favorite tr-

13) If somebody offered you a billion dollars to kill a bum….?
No, that’s sick! Ugh!

14) I mean, it’s not like he has a soul.
Homeless people have souls!

15) No they don’t. They’re like prostitutes.
They do have souls.

16) Favorite president?
I don’t know….Thomas Jefferson I guess.

17) Favorite time of day, morning or night?
Thank God, another normal question. I’m a night person.

18) Okay, look, here’s the deal. Man, you were gonna drive me around tonight, never be the wiser, but El Gordo got in front of a window, did his high dive, we’re into Plan B. Still breathing? Now we gotta make the best of it, improvise, adapt to the environment, Darwin, shit happens, I Ching, whatever man, we gotta roll with it.
Huh? This survey is really starting to creep me out….what’s going on?

19) Favorite basketball player?
Uhh…KG.

20) Number 18…it’s a quote from Collateral. Great movie. Ever see it?
No.

21) Faggot.
Screw you!

22) Blow me.
Don’t call me faggot!

23) Favorite soda, Faggot?
Allright that’s enough….I’m out of here.

24) Too much of a bitch to finish the survey?
Allright, one more question.

25) Favorite actor?
Definitely George Clooney. He’s a fantastic actor.

26) So you’re down with the Cloonmeister?
If by being “down” with him, you mean I respect his work, then yes, I am down with the Cloonmeister.

27) You heard it here first folks – this guy wants to hook up with Clooney on the down-low.
This survey is over.

28) Hey! Come back! Favorite balloon animal? Favorite pie? Favorite Supreme Court judge?

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